And I was led through the valley to the garden...

Iiiiiits been a while. ...just thought I'd share a ton about my summer...both events, and also lessons/blurbs/confessions about what I think the Father taught me this summer...sorry it might be long.
First of all, it was an amazing summer as far as friends and fun and a great job goes! I grew really close to my fellow guides, and I can't believe I got paid to go hiking just about every day (five days a week), and it was SO BEAUTIFUL! I got a little sick of tourists by the end of the summer...lol...but it was really good to meet a ton of people and work on my schmoozing skills ;) I learned a ton about the plants, animals, and ecosystems in Alaska, and it was actually really fun to learn! When you're with people who enjoy it, it makes it so much more fun to learn....especially out in the field! The staff was soooo much fun to work with, and I got along really well with everyone. I learned a ton from them, even if we didn't have a ton in common. That's probably why..lol.
I had some really amazing conversations with a ton of people at Denali Backcountry Lodge this summer, a few of which I've already shared. Amazing. However, on the flip side, my relationship with my Father took it's toll. I hit a low and really was sorting through a lot of difficult questions. In a wierd sense, it was very sharpening and refining to go through that period and wrestle with the hard stuff. I feel like I got rid of a lot of fluff. Though it had its price, I certainly believe God had me go through that for a reason. So this is the conclusion I came to at the end of the summer...
I realized that I have been serving an idol periodically for quite some time of my life. Not all the time, but good portions of it. I have been serving an idol I have fashioned to look like the Father, but which is a tamed version of who I truly should be serving. It’s an idol I turn to when I feel as if I want to take control of my life. It is a “semi-powerful, sometimes-caring, kind-of-awesome” god which I could manipulate into serving me... to whom I could make excuses, take allowances, and get away with the small things in life while still making myself feel as if I was “good” and following the real Christian God. Really, what I was in love with (and enslaved to) was myself and the “game” of Christianity. I can play the game really well sometimes. Really, most the time I was not looking at the big picture of what a powerful, loving, awesome, holy Father is really like…otherwise I would have been blown right out of the water. Yes, there were moments and periods when God really did blow me out of the water, but as soon as “life” distracted me into its routines of living again, I would forget just Who I was living for. I think a lot of the reason I was “discontent” with my Father was the fact that I wasn’t truly looking at Him for who He is. I wasn’t putting His Son at the forefront of my quest for “answers.” When I got to that point where I couldn’t make myself love God, and I was fed up with the stereotypical predictable 'Christian rat race,' I wish the book Crazy Love would have been staring me in the face. It’s brutally honest, and strangely relieving.
Francis Chan-“The fact is, I need God to help me love God. And if I need His help to love Him, a perfect being, I definitely need His help to love other, fault-filled humans. Something mysterious, even supernatural must happen in order for genuine love for God to grow in our hearts. The Holy Spirit has to move in our lives….If you merely pretend that you enjoy God or love Him, He knows. You can’t fool Him; don’t even try. Instead, tell Him how you feel. Tell Him that He isn’t the most important thing in this life to you, and that you’re sorry for that. Tell Him that you want Him to change you, and that you long to genuinely enjoy Him.”
I feel like that was my cry this summer…that though I knew I didn’t love Him as I should…I had to ask His help to bring me to that point. Honestly, there seems to be the waking realization that the Father I am discovering a reawakening love for is a Father much greater than the idol I was deceiving myself in to serving. My new growing love for my Father is out of respect and reverence for Who He Is, how much He loves me (in spite of my faults), and how much greater He is than I expected.
Right now, I am falling back in love with my God. It's amazing getting to know the One who wants to spend every waking moment with you....who has plans for your life greater that you can imagine. One you can trust and must depend on.
Right now, though I wouldn't want to be back in the spiritual state I was this summer, I am glad God put me through it so that He could show me in greater capacity the lessons I am learning now. He led me through a dry time safely to this oasis. Right now I can rest in it, not complacent, but expectant that though there will be dry times again some day, He is always faithful no matter what.